(no subject)

[aintwortha]

Bean sat down after he had completed the final test Sister Carlotta wanted to give him. He sat and waited patiently for her to do whatever it was that she needed to do with the test. He was getting a little tired. He'd never been asked to think for so hard, for so long, before today.

Eventually, she leaned back and looked at Bean, as if she was studying him. She probably was, he decided after a short moment.

"Whose idea was it, this family thing that the street children have come up with?" she asked, catching him by surprise.

"Achilles' idea," Bean said, practically without thinking. Achilles was the one who had taken all the credit for it. Who was the public face of the idea. The target of Ulysses hate.

Of course, now he thought about it, that wasn't quite true, was it? It had started as his idea, getting a bully to protect the group. Achilles had named it, and adapted it slightly, but the core of it had still been his idea. And Sister Carlotta was just sitting there, like she could read his thoughts. Not that she could, obviously. But, he found himself continuing to talk anyway.

"His idea to call it a family, anyway."

And apparently, that wasn't enough for her either, so he kept going.

"But, having a bully to protect the little ones, that was my plan. I told it to Poke and she thought about it and decided to try it and she only made one mistake."

He spoke the words almost before he realized what he was saying. Apparently, though, that was what Sister Carlotta had been waiting for, because she chose this pause to speak up again.

"What mistake was that?"

Bean almost laughed. Wasn't it blindingly obvious? Apparently not. Apparently, he was going to have to spell it out for her.

"She chose the wrong bully to protect us."

"You mean because he couldn't protect her from Ulysses?" Sister Carlotta asked.

Bean laughed. He couldn't not. Oh, it was a bitter laugh, but the idea that the adults were still focused on Ulysses was so absurd and painful, that he couldn't not laugh. So he laughed and wept, and didn't try to hide either, while Sister Carlotta struggled to understand what had caused this outburst from the usually emotionless kid.

Eventually, he got himself under control enough to explain. And explain, apparently was what he was going to have to do. "Ulysses is off bragging about what he's going to do."

There. He'd said it. He'd referred to Ulysses in the future tense, as opposed to past or present. Not that he'd necessarily call it that yet, but still.

Sister Carlotta understood. It looked like she didn't want to believe it, but she did. Still, it seemed she was going to deny it for as long as possible.

"Do you know who killed her then?"

Does Bean know? What kind of question is that? Really? Would they be having this conversation if Bean didn't know?
Of course he knows.

Spill now or Forever hold your peace? Apparently external circumstances have changed things slightly. Even so, he still doesn't want to say it.

"I told her to kill him. I told her he was the wrong one. I saw it in his face, lying there on the ground, that he would never forgive her. But he's cold. He waited so long. But he never took bread from her. That should have told her. She shouldn't have gone off alone with him." As he spoke, he began to truly, earnestly cry. Saying it all, somehow made everything ten times worse. It made it real. And yet, he couldn't stop. "I think she was protecting me. Because I told her to kill him that first day. I think she was trying to get him not to kill me."

There was, of course, only one person he could be.

Sister Carlotta listened as he talked. When she spoke in turn, he was amazed at how flat her voice sounded. It wasn't completely flat, but it wasn't like her normal voice, with it's lilts and carries. She was clearly trying to contain her emotions as much as she could. Normally, Bean would have been much better that she was, but not today. Not today, with Poke, his first protector, gone from the world, almost certainly on account of him. She asked, "Do you believe you might be in danger from Achilles?"

Well, he only had one answer for that. "I am now that I told you."

Then he realized that no, there was a second answer to that particular question. "I was already. He pays back, always."

He's imparted all his knowledge now. There's nothing else he can do, really. Except hope the adults all know what they're doing. Which is probably useless. Until Sister Carlotta mentions that Achilles seems civilized.

Bean just stares at her for a moment.

"Isn't that what it means to be civilized? That you can wait to get what you want?" he asks pointedly.

Finally, she understands his reasoning for applying himself so thoroughly to those tests. If he goes to Battle School, he's getting out of Rotterdam, and hence away from Achilles. She asks about the other children, but no, they're in no danger. Achilles is their papa. It was always Bean and Poke who were set apart. But of course, "He can kiss you and kill you, if he hates you enough."

At this point, Sister Carlotta pauses. Bean looks at her, drumming her fingers on the desk between them. He wonders if she'll explain what's on her mind.

"What a quandary."

Oh, new word! A big word he hasn't encountered before. He latches onto it, looking for meaning. "What's a quandary?" he asks.

Sister Carlotta doesn't explain. Instead, she says. "I was going to test Achilles, too. I think he could get in to Battle School."

Bean froze. That was NOT GOOD. "Then don't send me. Him or me."

He had to make it clear, this is an Either/Or choice. It couldn't be taken as a Both/And sort of choice. That would kill him.

"Do you really think..." Sister Carlotta began, before trailing off and trying again. "You think he'd try to kill you there?"

He really needed to make this clear. He loaded his voice with as much scorn as he could, before unloading. "Try? Achilles doesn't just try."

It seemed to hit home.

He'd done all he could. He just had to wait. He watched her looking variously at him, through him and past him. At length, she spoke to him. "Would you like to stay here, Bean, while I transmit your test results to the people who make the decisions about Battle School? You'll be safe here."

He nodded, and then leant forward in his seat, put his head on his arms, and wept.